i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I am spending my child support on dildos
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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