i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
