Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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