You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
