I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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