I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
