omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I need to align my fucking chakras
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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