Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
