College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
