my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
