Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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