neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
