I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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