i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
