when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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