you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
