Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
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