Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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