Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
