It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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