If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
