NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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