Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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