Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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