I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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