super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
