I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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