I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
