when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
