When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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