I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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