3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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