this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
