i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
