the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
