Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We need to get me chipped asap
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
