apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
She needs sedatives and a leash
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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