Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
