I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
