I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
