you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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