smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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