I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
