im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
