She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I've blown a few things in my day
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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