I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
