how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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