Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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