super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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