In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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