Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
