Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
